I almost called my Mom

28 Apr

Yesterday, as I was driving to daycare to pick up our little man, I was thinking about dinner. . . about how the kitchen was a mess from that morning. . . about how I’d need to also stop at the grocery store if I wanted to cook. . . and about how once I started cooking, I would have a toddler under my feet, reaching for the knobs on the stove – because aren’t they just fascinating?  The thought of dinner and what needed to happen to put food on our plates was just overwhelming.  And then I thought about how my mom had FIVE kids under foot and still managed to put food in our mouths.  And I wondered how she did it.  And how did she find recipes without Pinterest?  And I wondered if I was a bad mother because I was considering take out again.  And before I knew it, I was thinking about the prevalence of articles on Pinterest about how to get your toddler to brush his teeth or how to keep your house spotless with just five minutes of cleaning a day or how to be the mom that your kids want you to be.  Just earlier in the day, I’d read a blog post about putting down your cell phone on the kitchen counter for the whole day and really connecting with your child.  It really hit home, in that minute, that the current trend of mom shaming isn’t why I feel inadequate as a mom.  It’s my internal voice that is reminding me that I do want to put home cooked meals on the table, and I do want to step away from my phone, and heaven help me but I do want a clean house and a toddler who likes to brush his teeth.  In my ideal world, all of those things would happen.  In reality, I have a full time job, and it is our busiest time of year right now.  In reality, I need to go grocery shopping. . . So we got Chinese take out, and I enjoyed the 15 minute trip to pick it up, and the time that I spent there waiting, in silence, for our food – while aforementioned toddler was running around with his dad at home.

The thing is, we’re constantly bombarded by the media with the notion that we can live a better life – all we need to do is to be more this or more that. . . and when you start to delve into the world of foster parenting, there is even more pressure.  You have to REALLY attach to the kids in your home, but you have to be happy as a clam to let them go after a year or more, if their family achieves reunification.  If their family isn’t able to reach the goals needed for reunification, you have to keep them in your life and support their relationship with your child. . . never mind the fact that they’re probably dealing with MAJOR issues, if reunification didn’t work out.  All the while, you’re dealing with absent caseworkers, canceled family visits, friends who don’t get that fostering is MORE than babysitting, and a child who’s endured trauma.  I don’t mean to sound like I’m complaining.  I’m really not.  I’ve just been busy working on our foster & adoptive parent association newsletter and trying to help plan our area’s foster parent appreciation gathering. . . because DCFS staff are so busy and underfunded they asked the foster parents to plan our own appreciation celebration.  As I was going through my favorite social media site, looking for ideas of what I could include in our newsletter or ideas for the celebration, I was overwhelmed with the expectations that are placed upon us as parents and foster parents, in general.  And, in this instance, there’s no easy fast food, take out kind of answer.  You just dig in and do the best that you can, and trust that this child was placed with you right now, because you are the best parent, right now, for that child.  And step away from Pinterest.  That will probably help too.  Just step away from Pinterest. . .

 

No Bohns About It
Advertisements

2 Responses to “I almost called my Mom”

  1. Teresa April 30, 2016 at 1:58 pm #

    You are being too hard on yourself. All you have to do is love your boy. That is what he needs the most. Our house was not always clean. We didn’t have fast food very often because we could not afford it for a family of seven. Or believe me I would not have been cooking so much!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: